Normal Grief Response After the Death of Your Pet
Reasons why it may hurt so much when a pet dies
- Your pet is a source of unconditional love and appreciation
- A pet becomes part of who you are; An alter-ego, child and/or companion
- Many times, places, feelings, thoughts and events are associated with your pet
- Your pet did things just for you and you did things just for your pet
- Each of you gave the other a great deal of emotional support
- Losing your pet is like losing a part of yourself
What you might feel after the death
- Shock/numbness
- Denial
- Anger/guilt
- Regret
- Relief
- Depression
What you may experience physically
- Crying
- Dry mouth, difficulty in swallowing
- No appetite or over-eating
- Sleep disturbances
- Aching heart, chest pains and/or an empty, hollow feeling
- Lack of energy and motivation
- Unable to concentrate, forgetfulness
- Sensitivity to loud noises
What you may experience emotionally
- Everything reminds you of your pet, you may experience seeing or hearing your pet
- Feeling distanced from others, as if no one understands or cares
- Questioning the meaning of life and mortality, re-evaluating your priorities in life
- Worrying about others you love dying
- Afraid to love again, fear of the pain of loss
The labor of mourning
It is called the labor of mourning because it is exhausting and difficult work to grieve over the loss of a loved one. The "work" is actually feeling the pain that you experience whenever you think of or are reminded of your pet who is no longer with you. Healthy grieving is going through the pain. It is a typical response to try avoiding the pain. In the long run that may make things worse. The pain of the loss will soften in time if you acknowledge it. Yes, pain hurts and it is uncomfortable, but it is not bad; It is a testimony of the love and joy you shared with your pet.
What helps soften the pain
- Talking, talking... To family, friends, co-workers, a support group and/or counselor
- Writing about your pet and about your feelings in a journal
- Creating a funeral /memorial service, sharing memories, sharing your pain
- Be extra kind to yourself; Get a massage, a bubble bath, exercise, visit with friends
- Set up a memorial in your pet's honor. Create a ritual, and repeat it every year.
